you still keep searching for love in the wrong places

do u remember the first time we met 

it was cold and my eyes r shinning

u stuck there by my side with some cigarettes alcohol and meds on

"oh shit i am in trouble" 

we're in trouble

you couldnt stop staring at my legs

and we couldn't avoid to just spend some more days together 

but then it all crush

i dont want to remember this moment in particular 

i want to remember all the nights with the lights on and some song I used to hate playing

yes I love these songs now it's a way I invented to keep you close to me

"after all this time?" yes

see, i have a trouble of leaving people out of my life 

i have a trouble of just existing sober 

i guess i'm used to be... numb

i have a thousand of medication hidden in my house and 

every sec i think about taking one of these you know 

maybe it will clean my mind my eyes my soul 

sleeping has become more confortable than usual 

because there i dont have to deal with anything

these fucked up traumas 

and scars all over my body my arms my heart 

"what happened?" i don't know please dont ask it again 

i feel untouchable but i need to feel loved 

i need to feel... something

how could I do that